How to Talk to Your Partner About Postpartum Mental Health Concerns
I remember early postpartum, sitting on the couch, crying in silence while rocking my son, paralyzed by feelings but also not able to communicate them. How could I explain this feeling to someone, nevermind my partner? I don’t want him to think I’m not fit to be a mom. I don’t want him to worry about me, because I know I will be better. But this is also way harder than I thought.
This way of thinking is far too common in moms, and so they don’t get the support that they need.
Modern motherhood comes with relentless pressure. The Pinterest-worthy lunches, the perfectly smiling kids in family photos, the spotless house—it’s an impossible standard. In reality, motherhood is messy, exhausting, and filled with moments of self-doubt. Add in hormonal shifts, identity changes, sleep deprivation, and the mental load of managing everything, and it’s no surprise that many moms struggle.
And all too often, moms struggle in silence. Postpartum anxiety and depression affect 1 in 5 moms within the first year after birth, yet only a small percentage seek support. Some don’t recognize what they’re experiencing as postpartum anxiety or depression. Others know something feels off but struggle to put it into words—or worry about being judged for needing help.
That’s where a mom’s partner plays a vital role. They’re often the first to notice changes, even before the mom herself does. But how do you start that conversation, especially when emotions are running high?
How to Talk to Your Partner About Postpartum Mental Health
Talk About It Before Baby Arrives
One of the best ways to prepare is to have these conversations before birth. During pregnancy, sit down with your partner and discuss the signs of postpartum anxiety and depression. Let them know that mental health struggles are common and that their support can make a big difference. When both partners know what to look for, it’s easier to recognize when help is needed.
Check in Regularly
Set aside time for check-ins—daily, weekly, whatever works for you. These don’t need to be formal, but making space for a simple question like, “How are you really feeling?” or “What do you need right now?” can help keep the lines of communication open. If checking in feels awkward at first, try doing it during an activity like a walk, after dinner, or even while folding laundry together. Some couples find it helpful to send it as a text or even as a journal that they pass back and forth to each other.
Use “I” Statements to express how you feel
It can be hard to admit when you’re struggling, but using “I” statements can help prevent defensiveness and keep the conversation open. Instead of saying, “You don’t help enough,” try, “I’m feeling overwhelmed, and I need more support with nighttime feedings.” Framing your needs this way makes it easier for your partner to understand how they can help.
share educational resources with EACH OTHER
Some partners may not fully understand postpartum mental health concerns, especially if they’ve never heard about them before. If you’re struggling to explain what’s happening, share an article, a podcast, or a short video that resonates with you. Gathering information from an outside source can help validate your experience and make the conversation more effective.
Be Clear About the Kind of Support You Need
Your partner may want to help, but might not know how. Instead of general statements like “I need more support,” be specific: “Can you handle bedtime so I can get some extra sleep?” or “I’d love for you to check in on me during the day with a text.” Giving explicit, actionable requests helps them step up in constructive ways.
Take the Next Step in Your Parenting Partnership
Talking about postpartum mental health isn’t always easy, but it’s one of the most important conversations you can have. Your partner wants to support you—they just might not know where to start. By opening up, sharing what you need, and working together as a team, you can navigate postpartum as partners rather than feeling like you have to do it all alone. You are not failing. You are adjusting. Support is a strength that will help you be the best version of yourself as a mom.
For additional support on your parenting journey, our Mastering the Mental Load workbook helps mothers transform communication patterns and share responsibilities, while our New Dad Toolbox equips partners with the knowledge and strategies to provide meaningful support during the postpartum period—both resources are designed to strengthen your partnership when you need it most
