Postpartum Relationship Changes

When I read Lily Jay’s recent essay on her divorce from Ethan Slater, one sentence stopped me in my tracks:

“I confidently moved to another country with my 2-month-old baby and my husband to support his career. Consumed by the magic and mundanity of new motherhood, I didn’t understand the growing distance between us.”

That line. That aching, gut-punch of a sentence. Because isn’t that a big fear postpartum for so many of us? Maybe not the country-hopping, maybe not the specific details—but the sentiment? The fear that while you are completely absorbed in the transformation of motherhood, your relationship could be shifting, maybe without you even noticing.

Postpartum is a strange and delicate time. You are recovering, adapting, redefining yourself. You are sleep-deprived but hyper-aware, deeply in love but often isolated, physically tethered to your baby while simultaneously drifting from the life you once knew. And then there’s your partner—the person who was once the co-star in your world, who suddenly feels like they exist on a separate plane.

So many new moms resonate with what Lily describes—the way motherhood can consume you in both the most beautiful and the most disorienting ways. The love is overwhelming, the exhaustion is unrelenting, and the shift in relationship dynamics is inevitable. Sometimes, it strengthens a bond. Other times, it exposes cracks that were always there, now made more visible by the sheer enormity of this life change.

We don’t talk enough about how relationships struggle in the wake of new motherhood. As a psychiatric nurse practitioner, I can’t tell you how many women I speak to struggle with connecting to their partner in the way they used to pre-baby. How the silent distance and resentment can creep in between diaper changes and late-night feeds, and how it can feel like shaky ground underneath you when a rock-solid relationship gets challenged.

Lily’s words are a reminder that so many women have been there. That you are not alone if you experience the quiet unraveling that sometimes happens in the postpartum haze. And maybe, if we name it, acknowledge it, and talk about it more, we can find ways to support each other as we deal with these major life transitions and relationship changes.